For my entire life, I've lived as an outsider. I grew up in foreign cultures, not even sure if I knew what my native culture was. Each way I turned, I was different. Moving into adulthood in Colorado I felt more different than ever. Every day I lose a little of what once made me feel European, but I have always felt ideologically and in other ways out of sync with local culture. It's probably no coincidence that I am now on the other side of the globe.
Honestly I feel an outsider in every relationship, when I get down to it. I'm sure this is universal on some level, but I am forever feeling like I am not surrounded by like-minded people. That has changed a little over the past couple of years with some of the friendships I have that have flourished. But I have long ached and felt alone. And I felt at odds with the world and especially with Colorado and its conservatism.
And it got worse. Many of you know that I lost my job in 2001 because of some conflict I had with my racist coworkers. I came to learn there was an undercurrent of racism in Colorado that I had to ignore or I couldn't make it through my life there.
Bush's re-election was it for me. It was more than I could handle. I wanted to give up my citizenship; it was that serious. By then we knew what he was about. We knew he tricked us into war. But his religion factored in for many. And it seemed to factor in for no one but me that his re-election would inflame the world's dislike (hatred) for us. I know I am supposed to accept that everyone has different beliefs. It's a nice idea in theory, but in practice it's really hard. I've had to shut off a part of myself, and will myself not to think about it.
So today, when the US actually told the world that they wanted Obama as their representative and leader, I became truly overwhelmed with emotion. It was so unexpected. I thought I mostly didn't care. But when he won, when I saw Jesse Jackson cry, when I heard McCain's lovely concession speech, I began to cry too. And the absolute, non-sugar icing on that almond-flour cake is that Colorado, the state I felt so at odds with all these years, voted democrat! I can't believe it! Maybe they are my people after all! Maybe we aren't so different. Maybe they aren't all ultra Christian, ultra conservative. Maybe they don't all believe the ridiculous equation: Middle-Eastern=terrorism/evil, Islam=Middle-Eastern, Obama=Islam, therefore Obama=terrorism/evil. And maybe that undercurrent of racism isn't as widespread as I thought.
George and I shared our experiences when he got home from work. He, too, was emotional at the moment of Obama's victory. It's unbelievable that we could feel so much from a politician being elected into office (of any kind) but as George put it, it's almost as if a great weight of oppression has been lifted off of us. That's what it's like to find that there are so many like-minded people out there when you thought there were so few. We thought we were in the minority, constantly swimming against the current, constantly having to explain ourselves and often having to conceal our real thoughts on many sensitive subjects when the other side felt no such need. We didn't know how tired we were of all of the double think.
Now... I... feel... like dancing! Like running up to the top of the hill and laughing! And I'm aching to be with others who share my celebratory mood.
That's what I get for being here. We missed out on the Democratic National Convention in Denver, we missed out on celebrating with friends at Obama's victory. And we also missed a lot of the experience of watching it happen. The internet was so choppy that at best I got a few words in between long pauses, and at worst, I got nothing. I missed most of Obama's speech when it was live. But I'm all caught up now.
Anyway, I just wanted to say... For, perhaps, the first time since I was a little girl, I am proud of my country. And I am happy to be truly proud of Colorado. And when we return to Colorado after our stay here is done, for the first time in my life, I may actually feel like I'm coming home.
Gosh what does that say about me that that's all because my guy won?
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5 comments:
I now have a good reason for beeing happy that Obama won!
However how is this not racism, is he not also WHITE? Call him a person of color or mixed race. He should have won because of his principles NOT BECAUSE HE IS BLACK.
If he was closer to my way of thinking then I too would have voted for him and I am hoping that what he has promised will come true. But....if this is what it took for you to call Colorado home ..then he is now my favorite president.
Kærastu heilsur og tankar og mussar.
mamma
So I don't think I said what color he was. And although I'm sure there are those in the black community who would waste their time arguing whether or not he is black enough, I think it's highly inaccurate to call him white. He may have been raised mostly by white people, he may be biologically mixed, but I think race has much more to do with perception, and racism to do with how you're treated based on that perception. He is much more likely to be subject to limitations as a result of prejudice than a visibly white man. (And goodness! Then add his name to it!) The reason this election is so momentous is because that limitation is gone now. If a perceived black man can be president, then he can be anything. And how amazing that there are people alive who experienced both segregation and voting in the first black (half black) president in their life time!
One of my favorite things about watching the little coverage that I saw is that pundits for both sides were talking about what an amazing moment for us historically because of its racial significance. Even McCain spoke about that. That's when I really started to feel proud.
Also, I don't think he was voted in because he was black. But I do think his victory has higher significance because he is black.
To be sure, for most voting Americas, I don't think his race played the part many would think. I would venture to guess that his ability to view the world through a lens of multi-culturalism, understanding and cohesion, not division and arrogance, played a great role to those who feel this is important to them. Certainly on the international arena, he has great support - check out the Time.com piece on how the international community if taking this : http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1856584_1856586,00.html
For others, the fact that the US is in desperate need of new leadership and new directions - he could not have been a better choice.
EH - let me point out too, that Colorado went blue across the board with Senate and House seats as well. I think the demographics of the Denver/Boulder area played out well and the Democrats in general had a better campaign across the board.
Yes, you did miss a great political summer and fall in the Denver area : DNC, 100K+ Obama rally in Denver, but we've got a few newspapers, photos and home-grown videos for you to enjoy when you come back. But when you get back, you can get ready to get back to the hard work ahead to make sure that the things we voted on, the things we believe in, can get done to make this place even better.
I got an email from an Israeli friend who cannot vote, and he said this : "The American democracy will endure as long as people care, because you can't steal a landslide, and even an incompetent, overreaching idiot like Bush will eventually step down."
I think the spectrum of historical precedents of this election are huge, and while the world has become increasingly concerned about whether the US democracy is still one of the greatest in the world, perhaps this election has demonstrated that it is, and more importantly that it still remains the responsibility of our collective will to make it so.
luv ya,
K:M
We talked politics yesterday, so that's not what I'm commenting on. I'm commenting on the fact that I'm finally really feeling like Colorado is "home". Yes, I've lived here for over half my life, but I never really felt like it was home. Now, even though I'd move to the east coast in a heartbeat, I know that I would miss Colorado, and know that I will want to come back to breathe its air and enjoy the mountains in the horizon.
OH and I meant that you and I have both finally come to terms with the fact that Colorado is home LOL Forgot my point!!!
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