On homesickness...

So I've had a few concerned emails, messages, and conversations with you guys, and most of you seem to have interpreted my discontentment as homesickness. While I truly, truly appreciate the love behind the concern, it's simply not the case, and I feel it important to set that straight right now because there are a few more grumpy posts on the way and I don't want them to be misunderstood also.

I have never felt home sick. Anywhere. Maybe when we moved to Germany when I was two, but I can't remember that far back. I don't tend to miss too much of what I leave behind. I have learned to adapt. Moving around while growing up I learned that friends are temporary (so I actually have had to work hard to learn about maintaining longer term relationships as an adult and I'm still learning), 'home' is just where you have your clothes, for now, or where your grandparents live, and life pretty much goes on anywhere. As an adult, I learned that friends, like family, can be there forever. They can go away and come back.

However, I have spent my entire adulthood living in one place and I certainly have gotten used to it.

I don't know if this is going to be a semantic argument now. What you call homesickness is maybe what I'd call the "period of adjustment." I really don't miss Colorado. I'm not lonely. I don't feel sad and mopey. I'm not aching for home. At one point, before our stuff arrived from the States, I was aching for our stuff. Now I'm frustrated that I don't have all my stuff, and I'm frustrated that I haven't been able to 'nest' here yet, so I'm therefore missing my nest in the States. The complaints and frustrations I'm sharing with you guys are my honest feelings about my experiences in Penang. While some of them are undoubtedly because I'm getting accustomed to living in a new country and culture, some of them are definitely because Penang is particularly difficult to get used to. And I'm not sure I'd even call them complaints so much as details of my life/experiences here.

I suppose it would be easier if either of us was the 'rough it' types. We're not. I did expect there to be a honeymoon period when we got here. I thought we'd just love some of the things we saw and experienced here before we experienced setbacks and frustrations. But the reality is, (and maybe this is just typical with moving anywhere overseas?) we have yet to have any real reason to tell people to visit Penang -- other than because it would be fun for us to see you.

That's not to say I haven't enjoyed anything since I've been here. Not true. I fall a little more in love with my view every day. And you guys have only seen a small fraction of our view. Our apartment is about 66feet long and 33 feet wide, and windows wrap around the entire perimeter of the two long sides and one short side. That's 165 feet of solid views! You've seen about 20 feet of it. But it is, maybe, my favorite 20 feet.

I have also loved seeing Kek Lok Si and have enjoyed several meals I've eaten here. We haven't been spending much time outside. There are other many more sights and activities for us to see and do. But our ability to do them is limited by the heat, my illness, and having a baby. Regin can't take the heat for too long. It's really scary to see him sweat buckets in his stroller. I can't tolerate the heat too well either with my illness, and my illness also means I can't be away from the apartment for too long because I can't eat any local food anymore and I have to eat every two hours. I don't have a handle on it enough yet to be bringing the foods with me, but hopefully I will get that down soon.

You have to also understand that everything I experience here is tainted with the hypoglycemia. Ugh. I get sick of saying that word, but it overwhelms everything right now. Despite my efforts to make it better, it's actually been getting worse; bad enough that George recently suggested that I get myself on the next flight back to the States, where I might be able to get immediate care/help (we haven't figured out the whole doctor thing here yet.) Also bad enough that George has had to stay at home with me for a few days this week. But I hope to get it under control enough to start experiencing Penang the way I want to: with zest, and as an adventure, whether good or bad.

On that note, some of you have assumed/worried that we regret coming here. We don't. I tell everyone that asks -- yeah, ok, so it's not all been good. But I'm a storyteller, and what fun would my stories be if they had no struggle? That's what I'm doing here, collecting stories. And I have some to tell!

We don't always react to adverse situations with anger or ill mood either. When we first moved here, this man told us that if we ever wanted to find a maid, we should talk to the guard at the gate. One evening, after we'd decided we'd go ahead and get a maid, we pulled up close to the guard house on our way in to the apartments, and George rolled down his window and leaned out. "We were told to come talk to you if we wanted to get some help?"
"Ok," nodding.
"So we'd like to get some help for the place?"
"Ok," blank look.
"So, how do we go about finding a maid?"
"Yuh," (more of a grunt than a word.)
"A man said to talk to you about getting a maid."
Mouth hanging open.
It becomes apparent that he has absolutely no command over English at all. But he gets out the word "tomorrow" and finally we pull away. George and I look at each other, and just start laughing. This is not the first time we've experienced this kind of communication issue, and sometimes, thankfully, it's just comical.

Teddi sent me a link on homesickness. Thank you so much Teddi, that was sweet. I'm glad to have read it. The post linked is not the part I got the most out of. It's one of the comments. They recommend a list of steps you can take to avoid/alleviate homesickness. And I was happy to see that I'm already working on them all!

1. Make sure communication with home is smooth & get high speed internet.
2. Go home regularly every year -- maybe Christmas.
3. Write people and encourage them to write me.
4. Cook a lot.
5. Make sure I'm totally unpacked/have all my stuff around me.
6. Celebrate my own culture/holidays.
7. Travel.
8. Journal. (about the things I love here and to note the things I didn't know how to do before but am a total pro at now.)
   

So, with number 1, I think I've done what I could. The internet continues to be a problem, but it's a priority with us for sure. Number 2 -- We will be coming home once this year and staying for a month. Not sure if it will be Christmas or not. Number 3 -- Ok, I really haven't done all that well with this one. Will have to work on that. As far as sending us stuff. Our mailbox is incredibly easy to break into, and I have already had proof of some mail disappearing, so I'm not encouraging any mail coming our way unless you're Fed-Exing it or something. We plan to get a post office box or something. Email is fine -- I'm reading emails. But between lousy internet and not quite coping with my illness, I'm sorry, it's been a little beyond me to keep up with responses. Number 4 -- done that a lot since we moved to the apartment. It's been really great to have some of my own cooking again. Number 5 -- I agree, the stuff is really a big deal. I ached, ached, ached for my stuff when we were at the hotel. It's here now, but we can't fully unpack because we are lacking any real furniture to put the stuff in/on. We're doing our best though. As I was telling Carmen last week, I don't mind at all the feeling of being displaced when I am outside of my house/apartment, but when I go home, I need it to feel like me, and I need to be surrounded with my stuff. I'm so glad I put my foot down and made sure to bring some home decor items with us from Colorado. If only I had a way to display them now tho. But I will soon. And whenever I want I can go into our maid's-room/storage-room/probably-not-my-art-studio and look at them sprawled on the floor (no shelves/containers to put them on/in.) Number 6 -- Not had much opportunity for this yet, but I love to celebrate holidays, and I brought Christmas decorations with us, so I will be all over this one. Number 7 -- Sigh. No travel yet, other than a drive to IKEA and back, but it's coming. Number 8 -- well, welcome to number 8 right here at the blog! So far, I haven't jotted down too many of the things I love. But I have been writing a few and making mental notes of others.

Other suggestions to me have been to find other expats to commiserate with (check), make local friends (check -- although we've only communicated in email so far), and my own personal one: find the things that make you centered and happy, locally. Things that make me feel centered & happy are salsa and art (among other things), we've met the other latinos & salsa danced with them a little, and I have also connected a tad with the art community. I have started scoping out where all the galleries are, connected with an artist (my local friend), found a monthly art/craft festival to go to (was too sick last month), found the good art store, and even went on a hunt for art books to look at and buy (when I was feeling extra deprived of art one week).

Although most of the items on the list are still works in progress, I'm on my way to achieving them all. For me, the biggest bummer is not having seen much of what Penang offers still. Have to work harder on that one. My mom asked me if my upbringing (moving around in Europe) has prepared me at all for this experience. I think it has. Although I am having plenty of frustrations, they're not the end of the world for me and I know they will pass (either I will adapt or move again, it's only another 9 months!) and by reading the list of things I have been working on above, I'd say I seem to intuitively know how to settle myself in a new environment (even if it takes a while.)

Worry not my loved ones! There are good times and bad times, but even the bad times are good. After all, I'm just collecting stories...